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Human beings have historically loved to humiliate each other for entertainment. From the Romans to the Tudors, we have watched our fellow men and women be publicly ridiculed, mocked, and mistreated. X Factor, headed by notorious arsehole Simon Cowell, is our modern equivalent. Here’s why I loathe the guy.
Simone Cowell: The Man who Exploits Others for Entertainment
He doesn’t sing. He doesn’t dance. I doubt he’d be much good doing stand-up. Yet he’s all too happy to bring people up onto a stage and ridicule them. You know what I call that? Cowardly.
Simon Cowell started the X Factor in 2004 as a competition to find vocal talent. Throughout the years of the show’s run, he has let contestants be mocked at, laughed, booed, and make utter fools of themselves on stage. This is backed by his dreadfully unethical label Syco.
The Shit Factor
I went to The Academy of Contemporary Music for uni. There were musicians there better than most X Factor contestants. I heard many discuss how the X Factor rounds work. The so-called ‘auditions’ are not the first times that anyone is heard by the judges. People audition through multiple rounds, and they stand in queues for hours. This is well before anyone actually gets shown on television. Thousands of people stand around, desperately trying to get the camera to shine on them. After all that effort, they may not even be shown on the X Factor’s TV ‘auditions.’
This is clearly not a process by which someone is genuinely interested in finding raw musical talent. (This satirical article sums it up well.) The X Factor is about cheap entertainment. Ever wonder why the contestants are always the ones with the ‘best sob stories’? Simon Cowell wants to find a range of contestants who will keep his ratings up. A handful of these may be talented musicians. But the majority are there because they fit niche ‘tropes’. Single mum looking for a break. Middle-aged woman who thinks she can sing. Delusional man who wants to be the next Michael Jackson.
But what happens to those who actually make it and get signed to Syco?
Syco the Psycho Label
I have always wondered why X Factor winners fade out after a few years. Syco is an atrocious record label. It is unprofessional, controlling, and designed to squeeze as much soul and money out of all the singers who are signed to it. Unsurprisingly, Cowell LEFT Syco in July 2020, over a decade after having founded it.
Artists like Zayn Malik, Sam Bailey, and Ella Henderson have all expressed dissatisfaction with Syco. Little Mix left the label in 2018.
In 2013, X Factor winner Sam Bailey was dropped by Syco 14 months after being signed. She claims that the label tried to control how much studio work she did and what kind of charity events she attended. Remember Leona Lewis? She won the X Factor in 2006. She left Syco in 2014 after, once again, the label was trying to make her do things she didn’t want to.
But cool, record labels pushing singers to do stuff they don’t want to do is nothing new. But who exactly has Syco produced? Record labels like Motown, Def Jam, Sony, and Interscope have all brought memorable artists, from Stevie Wonder to Kylie Minogue. No one is going to remember Leona Lewis, One Direction, Olly Murs or Little Mix in fifty years. One-or-two hit songs may shine, but they are far from music legends.
Simon Cowell has no interest in creating memorable music talent. He just wants to make money from bubblegum pop artists.
Ignorance Sells
Have I ever actually watched X Factor? Yes. Guilty as charged. Once, in 2011, and the only year I watched an entire season. It was the year where Simon Cowell wasn’t on the panel. The judges were Louis Walsh, Tulisa from N-Dubz, Kelly Rowland, and that guy in Take That.
Cowell has also stretched his flair for putting people down and lining his pockets to our dear friends in the USA. America’s Got Talent. American Idol. And over here, Britain’s Got Talent. All these rubbish shows follow the same principle. Promise dreams of money and success to the ignorant. Reel them in and then dump them for cash and ratings. Then, when they become famous, have them pummel out insipid poorly-produced pap. These shows are designed to capitalise on the stupidity of people desperate for five minutes of fame.
Kill ‘Em All
Nonetheless, I respect Simon Cowell the same way I respect Kim Kardashian. Our world is full of narcissists, sociopaths, and other smart-arses who have made a killing selling shiny pre-packed garbage. What saddens me though, is that people are so quick to condemn those who don’t follow the status quo. JK Rowling is a famous person who has given generously to charity and warmed the hearts of millions. Yet she gets vilified for a few low-brow tweets? If the masses are going to go after someone, why can’t they at least pick someone who has exploited thousands of people worldwide?
Maybe psychopaths really do rule the world. John Niven’s psychopathic character, Steven Stelfox, can certainly be read as a ‘proto-Simon Cowell’ in The Second Coming. If you can’t stomach the X Factor, I recommend reading Kill Your Friends. Now that’s entertainment.
