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Ask a pretty woman if she’s attractive and she’ll instantly say she isn’t. Or, she’ll downplay it, or say you’re prettier than her. No one likes a show-off, but a simple acknowledgement of one’s looks, talents, and intelligence is not a bad thing. Self-deprecation is not always the way.
The Greatest
When Mohammed Ali became a well-known boxer, he was brash and outright about his greatness. One could argue he was arrogant, egocentric and full of himself. But contexually, Ali was around during a time where African-Americans were fighting to be seen as equals in a white dominated society. Him crowing about his prowess as a boxer was a way of allowing black people to take pride in themselves. Their beauty, talents, and skill set. When people said ‘black is beauty‘ and ‘black is pride‘, they were fighting against the cultural view that black equated to unattractive or stupid.
Ali was not being crass or big-headed. He was trying to encourage African-Americans to empower themselves.
American Optimism vs British Pessimism
In the UK, it is seen as ‘boastful’ or ‘arrogant’ to proudly own one’s accomplishments. Self-deprecation is part of British culture. Britons have always carried a false sense of humility. We carelessly brush something wonderful as ‘alright’ or ‘not bad.’ Compare this to Americans, who stereotypically carry a ‘yes man, yes we can!’ go-getter attitude.
But why do we do this? Why should we have to ‘put ourselves down’ or ‘downplay’ our achievements? Being humble and gracious is not the same as being really good at something and then claiming to be shit at it. Ever seen a really good singer insist they can’t sing? It’s infuriating but it’s also shallow and irrational. And it makes the person come across as fishing for compliments.
Show-off or self-deprecation?
Or think of the classic Mean Girls situation. Regina George, skinny and gorgeous, insisting she wants to lose weight, coaxing her friends to tell her otherwise, and then telling them to shut up. I can’t stand this petty behaviour and find it pathetic. But we’re all probably guilty this self-deprecation. Fact is; for some odd reason, society considers it ‘smug’ and ‘arrogant’ to merely state that you’re good at something. Thankfully, with the rise of self-love, compassion, and healthy self-esteem, things have begun to change.
Again, no one likes a show-off. But ignoring other people’s opinions, ‘showing off’ is, in itself, a sign of insecurity. A person truly happy and proud of their accomplishments owns them frankly but feels no need to crow about them. If someone says that they are an excellent tennis player, that person will smile, say thank you, and then continue with their day. No, ‘Oh, I’m really shit!’ or ‘I’m, like, the best tennis player in the world.’
Fact is, self-deprecation can be fun for humour’s sake, but a person who constantly puts themselves down comes across as deeply insecure and uncomfortable to be around. Does anyone want to be around a person who constantly needs to be reassured that they’re not ugly, stupid, lazy, or boring? Again, acknowledgement of personal insecurities is healthy and understandable.
Own your strengths and weaknesses
Me highlighting my anxiety isn’t me fishing for someone to say otherwise. It’s me genuinely pointing out something about my character that I find challenging. On the other hand, me saying ‘I’m a stupid ugly moron’ just sounds like I’m begging for the entire world to insist otherwise. It makes me sound vapid and emotionally immature.
I say own your achievements, be proud of yourself, and have a sense of security in who you are. Humility does not have to be at the expense of your gifts, and a little pride can be well-earned.
Heya, been a while since we had contact hasn't it? ^^
Just wanted to say I agree fully.
I like to make fictional characters and one of them is exactly all about self confidence.
Hey mate! Glad you liked the post, and that's really cool! What kind of fictional characters? In a cartoon, or stories?
Stories mostly because of the fact i'm not good at drawing, heheh.
Well the character i'm talking about is a Purple alien girl named Purpur.
She is onlt 148 cm tall and 20 years old but she has adventures hopping from planet to planet and.
While small and weak her determination (and support from high technology) helps her do great things.
That honestly sounds so cool! If you ever want someone to have a look at your stories and give some feedback, feel free to shoot me an email? info@zarinamacha.co.uk