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Body image concerns men and women; not one or the other more. But what really goes through our heads?
Women
“Oh my god. My boobs are so small; I look like a little girl. Fuck, look at how fat my stomach is. Those stretch marks? Jesus, he wants a pic from me? I can’t send one, I look like shit. Why is my butt so hairy? I forgot to shave yesterday. I hate my thighs, they’re like two lumpy sacks of dough. I wish my legs were slimmer. Maybe if I got liposuction it would fix my tummy. Gosh, I’ll never look like a model. Why do guys only want models? No one’s ever going to think I’m sexy. SUCK IT IN DAMMIT. I need to get push up bras, they help a lot. No! I can’t afford it. Why is it so expensive just to look pretty? I try and get good make-up and straighten my hair and suck in my stomach but he never notices, he’s never going to notice. No guy is ever going to notice me because I’m fat and ugly and flat-chested. And I still have two cuts on my leg from cutting my leg accidentally whilst shaving. Guys just don’t get the pain girls have to go through in order to look pretty. They expect us to look good and then wonder why we’re so self-conscious in the bedroom. It’s so unfair. He’ll never be attracted to me.”
Men
“Oh my god. My dick is so small. Why isn’t dick-enhancement surgery a thing? Fuck, is that her ex? How am I supposed to compete with that? Look at how tall and attractive he is. I look like shit next to him. My arms are so skinny. Why can’t they grow? I’d need to be doing press-ups for months just to get my abs tighter. Why is looking good so much work? Women don’t want guys who are flabby, they want sexy Calvin Klein models. I’ve been pumping it at the gym for months and yet she still barely notices me. She doesn’t even know I exist. Look at how pretty she is; a girl like her would never be interested in me. Why do I look so stupid with facial hair? Takes me forever to grow anyway. I look like a child without and an idiot with. Anyway I can’t fuck her; she’d probably laugh at my dick like that other girl did when I came too quickly. Doesn’t she know how hard it is for us guys? Girls just lie back; we have to put in all the work. It’s so unfair. She’ll never be attracted to me.”
Hm. Hm. Hmmm.
Funniest thing is, these two imaginary people are thinking about one another. This represents how (heterosexual) men and women think about each other. We’re so fussed about looking good for the opposite sex, thinking they expect us to be a certain way. I think the media sells women as having more ‘pressure’ to look a certain way, but men also face lots of pressure too.
Women are expected to be a certain size, to change parts of their body, and to wear make-up and stuff their feet into uncomfortable shoes – but so are men. Men get really self-conscious about their sexual performance; after all, they’re the ones who are going to be doing most of the ‘heavy grinding.’ Porn-stars show men with 10 inch cocks lasting ages, and obviously that can be really off-putting to men as the average guy is not that big and doesn’t last an hour without stopping.
Maybe we need to work better on accepting ourselves and realising that we don’t have to be perfect.
We all look in the mirror at times and think ‘oooh, I’m not sexy, I’m ugly, I’m too thin or too fat or too this or too that’, but everyone from Flava Flav to Beyonce has bodily insecurities, and equally is beautiful to someone. We’re all going to be attractive to someone, even if we don’t think we are. I’m sure we’ve all fallen for someone who perhaps wasn’t conventionally beautiful, or had bad skin or was a over or underweight.
End Note
While I am in favour of body-positivity and self-love, and do believe that whatever size you are someone will find you desirable, I am NOT in favour of ‘fat acceptance‘ as I don’t think clinical unhealthiness should be promoted. Yes, being over-weight doesn’t mean that you’re going to be alone forever and should not make you feel ugly. But at the same time, if you are at an unhealthy weight it’s better to do something about it, in the same way if you are a chain smoker it’s advisable to cut down and work towards quitting.
