Body Image Shit

Growing up I never liked my body much. I always thought I was too thin, too short; too flat-chested and my stomach was round and podgy. In secondary school guys used to say I was ‘skin and bone’. In year 7 Drama one boy said I had ‘no bum’ and it was ‘flat’. Another time in year 8 I was in a conversation talking about if it was hot and everyone went around without clothes on and I said to the boy I was talking to ‘you don’t have tits though’ and he said ‘nor do you’ and started laughing and said he was joking. (But we all know when people say ‘I’m joking’ part of them means it).

My female friends were all taller than me or bigger chested or curvier than me. And I always looked so young. At 14 I probably looked about 12. At least now I’m 20 looking young is an asset; when you’re 16 it sucks. When I began talking people would think I was older because I’m articulate and intellectual, but if I just stood there I looked two or three years below my age. AND I FUCKING HATED IT. In a world where thirteen year old girls wear make-up and tight skirts and pout in the mirror, feeling out of place next to them sucks big time.

My closest female cousin has always had body image issues; anorexia, bulimia, eating disorders in general. When we went on holiday together we talked about it a lot and I really understand it a lot better now. It makes me sad to think so many young boys and girls can’t stand the way their bodies look. Human bodies are supposed to look different. Unless you are clinically overweight or underweight and it’s affecting your health (fat acceptance is BOLLOCKS), there is nothing wrong with your body. Some people are bigger boned; some people are naturally thin. We don’t ‘choose’ how our body is; it’s purely genetic. My parents are both slim and short so I’m slim and short.

Nowadays I like my body; I definitely don’t have a flat chest or a flat arse anymore (haha). I wouldn’t say I’m skinny; I’d say I’m slim but I have curves. My stomach will probably never be deadpan flat. Alcohol definitely made me fatter; I gained about 10 kg in months when I was drinking. I weigh about 55kg now; for years I always thought I was underweight. When I was 16 I weighed about 45 kg. I’m not a size 8 in clothes anymore; 10 on top, 10/12 on bottom. But that’s ok. I like being a bit bigger, I just don’t want to blow up like a balloon and turn into elephant woman.

Everybody wants to be a better version of themselves. More attractive. Slimmer. ‘Wedge.’ Smarter. Better job. More successful with the opposite/same sex. The media sells us these lies, that buying this product can create a new and improved you. Film and music takes us away from the mundane reality of work or school or whatever. Other examples include drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, food and the like. The reason I play music and write.

The truth is that no one will ever be satisfied. One can wish to be their idealized self, achieve that self, and then ‘now what’ enters their minds. Now what do I do? It becomes a vicious circle. You’ll always want bigger tits, bigger hips, broader chest, better abs, bigger dick, longer hair, smaller nose, bigger arse, bigger muscles. You’ll always want to be bigger and better until you turn into Muscle Man or Wonder Woman. And then you STILL won’t be happy. So the solution? Take a fucking look in the mirror. Go on. Do it right now. Take a look in the mirror and for gods’ sake accept what you see. It’s not gonna change. You’re not gonna change. You will never be satisfied, so just be satisfied.

This is you, and you’ll never be thin enough and your arms will never be big enough and your hair will never look right and your bum won’t look perfect in those jeans and who fucking cares? No one really cares what you look like. Long as you look presentable, and don’t have snot dribbling down your nose and blood splattered along your cheeks and hair like the back of a bushbaby. I think everyone looks interesting. Humans are so physically interesting to look at.

Would you not agree?